Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
