You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
