at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
