Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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