You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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