Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
