i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
