Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
