2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
