so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
