it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
