I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
