How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
