I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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