Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize