I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize