with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
