I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
