This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
