Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize