respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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