I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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