I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
