If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
