I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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