ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
