If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
