Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
