All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
