Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
