Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
