omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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