i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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