How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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