So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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