Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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