rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
