everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
