You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
