Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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