just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
