Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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