I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
