I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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