i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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