that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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