I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
