I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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