A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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