I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
