If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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