I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
