I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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