Michael Bay diarrhea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
