just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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