Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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