My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
