Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
