I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
