dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
