Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
