he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
