Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
