So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
