9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
