You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
