.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
