Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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