Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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