College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
