I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize