just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
