I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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