Cold hands, warm shart.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
