i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
