College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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