Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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