My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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