Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize