Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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