so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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