sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
